Have you ever tried to say "merci beaucoup" and accidentally complimented someone on their cute backside? Assumed that being first in line for service at a French shop or bar meant that you would actually get served next? Been taken to what you've been assured is the perfect house deep in the countryside, only to find there's no electricity or running water?

If the answer to any of the above is “oui”, Talk to the Snail is the book for you.

Find out how to get served in a restaurant; learn to be exquisitely polite - and brutally rude - at the same time; discover the language of love, sex and smoking (not necessarily in that order).

It's all here in this funny, informative, seriously useful guide on how to get what you really want from the French.

With advice on essential phrases and bons mots to cover all eventualities, and illustrated with witty real-life anecdotes, Talk to the Snail is a book that no self-respecting Francophile - or Francophobe - can afford to be without.